Your marriage is not like an oak tree.
It is a bonsai.
Who FocusLab Is For —
You're managing life.
Conversations stay on the surface.
Decisions get made in passing.
And over time, you drift into patterns you never chose.
Not because you don’t care.
But because you haven’t slowed down long enough to really see each other.
How It Works —
It begins with pre-work — meaningful preparation that each of you does individually, so you arrive ready. Then three full days, phones down, calendars clear, fully given to the work of seeing your life clearly and shaping what comes next.
Designing your life together with the same intentionality you bring to almost everything else that is important and steeped in faithful conviction.
— Phones off
— Calendars clear
— No distractions
Day 1
Day 2
Day 3
Begin Here
It starts with a thirty-minute call.
No pressure. The FocusLab intensive is not right for every couple. The call is designed for each of us to discern if the intensive experience is a good fit for this season.
FocusLab
Read what participants are saying about their FocusLab marriage intensive experience
Looking back, what made you say yes to the FocusLab—and do you feel it was worth the time and investment?
We had heard about similar “life plans,” receiving plenty of encouragement from two trusted friends, who had gone through this work in the past. What was different for us is that we wanted to go through this, as a couple, TOGETHER, so that the learnings could help us move forward, in unison. We clearly recognized the “second half of life” analogy, and we’re facing a soon-to-be-empty-nest. We needed FOCUS! Three days was a lot of time, and plenty of energy. I had to take three vacation days, AND it was all, well, worth it.
So a few years back I did some formal lean training. In the training, it talked about the power of asking good questions. I have been compelled to be more inquisitive and interested and learner-vs-boss directing traffic. When I saw Ken masterfully unpack a complex situation with a few good questions, I was impressed and curious. My wife and I have been rolling together for 23 years and we can tell our season is changing. Also, things at work are changing. Amidst all the changes, I knew that God would guide my footsteps and help me grow in the ways that I need to grow to get where He needs me to be. Though the thought of the focus lab was uncomfortable, I felt like we had to do it… “there is no growth in the comfort zone”
My wife and I were at a point in life, in my career and in our family, where we desperately needed a trusted, neutral, and ‘outside’ voice and perspective. We weren’t in a crisis situation, but were at a stage in life (adult kids, aging parents, an inflection point in my job) where we didn’t want to take the path of least resistance, drift into decisions randomly, or avoid hard conversations that might be required. I’d heard from a handful of friends I really trusted that their time with Ken was life changing, and we wanted that! The time was so worthwhile! Ken pointed out some ways that I could restructure my role at work to better focus on my unique contribution while allowing others to grow and develop. He helped me really listen to my wife’s concerns about our kids and her parents in a way I wouldn’t have on my own. We’ve seen some very positive movement in the lives of our young adult kids as a result of the lab. Our marriage is better as well. I’ve told people it was the best marriage counseling we ever had…and that wasn’t even the main point!
— FocusLab Participant
What would you say to someone who’s nervous or hesitant—either because of time or uncertainty about the process?
Three days was a lot of time, and plenty of energy. I had to take three vacation days, AND it was all, well, worth it. That money has come and gone, yet the CLARITY and IMPACT has had a lasting imprint on our mindset, decisions, and actions during the past 3+ years.
It absolutely was worth the time and investment. This is one of those ‘key life markers’ where you take the time out to do something like this and you actually make the time and it ends up being a transformational marker for your life, for your family, for your legacy, where things are never going to be the same again in a good way. And that’s why it was well worth the time and investment and even something that we also now want to do for our kids.
To someone who is uncomfortable: I would suggest that a FocusLab is a good environment to get out of your comfort zone. Lastly, it is easy to focus on the discomfort, but the blessing of walking in increased alignment with the Lord of all creation and your spouse can not be comprehended properly on the front end.
I was nervous about taking three whole days to focus on this. I’d never invested so much focused time on my life, marriage, and career (sad to say). My wife tried to back out twice in the days leading up to it. We would both say it was the best three day investment of time we’ve ever made. Every single key issue we raised has seen some tangible progress.
— FocusLab Participant
The idea of spending a whole day talking about myself feels overwhelming—or even exhausting. What would you say to someone who feels that way?
It can feel “selfish” or “too introspective” to talk about oneself for so much time. However, when we consider ourselves as leaders in our marriage, family, community, and work, it helps to ensure we are walking in-step with our design and abilities, delivering on our mission – individually, and as a couple. To be moving in the right direction, together, is priceless, and well-worth exploring what makes one tick, and what resonates with those around us.
What I would say to someone that feels that way is that I literally felt like eight hours went by in about eight minutes. Ken has just such an awesome way of asking the right questions that lead to more questions and you feel like you’re peeling back layers of an onion, but in a good way. There will be tears, there’ll be laughter, there’ll be joy, there’ll be a lot of emotions, but all in a good way because you feel like it’s all leading in the right direction towards transformational growth. It doesn’t matter if you’re an introvert or an extrovert. Ken asks the questions that really need to be addressed and what needs to be put on the table. Even after the time was up, we could have kept talking.
People tend to discount their own life experiences. Ken is sincerely interested in you and God’s will for your life. One day might seem like a long time, but it is really a great adventure and not torturous like it might seem. It is not a chore, more like a journey or a great hike.
My wife and I absolutely felt that way! The way Ken guides and structures the time makes it fly by. Each day we wished we had more time! Ken is great at properly probing and going beneath the surface to deeper issues and opportunities.
— FocusLab Participant
My spouse and I already talk a lot, but it doesn’t always lead to change. What made this experience different from what you normally do on your own?
Investing money and time, along with Ken’s knack for getting to the core, goes a long way to change the paradigm of unguided/undirected conversations with our spouse. While spending this time with our spouses is vital, this INTENTIONAL INTERRUPTION, acts as a positive DISRUPTOR in our every-day life.
What made this experience different was being able to be just a sounding board for each other. To hear your spouse’s story and not interject or interrupt or give advice, but just literally hear all day was transformational. And because of that, it really made it where we knew that it was going to be different from sitting in a normal counseling session or sitting around our table talking to each other. It was a way to dive deeper. It was a way to address things that may be just under the surface or a few layers deep in a setting that is comfortable and you can feel like your best interest is at heart and really addressing things that you may not always address alone but you know can lead to growth and transformation.
We were both in tears a few times during the process. We were stuck in a variety of ways related to how we were each treating and responding to our adult kids, and related to how to best help my wife’s parents. We never could have gotten on the same page with a plan related to both without the help Ken provided.
— FocusLab Participant
Some people are hesitant to do something like this with someone they don’t know. What would you say to someone who feels unsure about opening up to a facilitator like Ken?
What I would say is do the initial consultation with Ken either zoom or in person because I think you’ll see very quickly that Ken is others focused and that he has your best interest at heart. And his real goal, it felt to us, was really just to see how he could serve us. And so we didn’t feel like there were any ulterior motives or other agendas beyond seeing how he could best serve us and help us in our marriage and in our family go from good to great. It was like going to a concert and you just feel an immediate connection to the performer. Same thing with Ken. He’s so skilled and so good at what he does that usually barriers of shyness or hesitation are broken down and you’re really able to get to the heart of the matter very quickly just because of how what he brings to the table, the energy that he brings to the table, that’s non threatening, that’s others focused on and really carries along the conversation, but moving in a direction that you know is leading again towards growth and transformation.
Before walking into Ken’s Lab, we had never met him. He met with him because of trusted recommendations. Ken makes the process comfortable, and quickly, I wanted to share more and more. In many ways, using a facilitator that is NOT known, is likely best for pure honesty and rapid forward progress.
Ken is a world class talent. I have never met anyone with his gifting and sincere desire to dig deep and get the shadows some sunlight. Also, it is helpful that I live in Wisconsin and he lives in Portland and that distance gives some healthy space if/as needed.
When someone loves what they do, and brings years of experience it makes it so much easier to open up. Ken made us (especially my wife) go from cautious to fully open very quickly. Again, she wasn’t sure why we were doing this, and within the first hour she was sharing things we’d had a hard time sharing with each other. He’s very disarming.
— FocusLab Participant
ABOUT YOUR FACILITATOR —
Ken has guided hundreds of individuals and couples through this process. He’s not a therapist or a coach in the conventional sense. He’s someone who is genuinely for you, with no agenda other than your flourishing. He asks the questions your closest friends don’t ask, and creates a space where it becomes easier to be honest about what’s really going on.
Ken facilitates FocusLab Marriage Intensives in person in Portland, Oregon.
frequently asked questions
Is this counseling or therapy?
No. FocusLab is not counseling and Ken is not a therapist. It is a structured intensive focused on clarity, direction, and decision-making — not on diagnosing or treating. Many couples who have done both say this is different in ways that are hard to explain until you experience it.
Do we need to be in a difficult season to do this?
No. Most couples who come to FocusLab describe their marriage as good or even strong. They come because they want to be intentional — not because something is wrong.
What if one of us is more hesitant than the other?
That is more common than you might think. The 30-minute call with Ken is a good place to start. Most hesitant spouses say the same thing afterward: they’re glad they came